I made my way to the Congregation Tifereth Israel early yesterday morning. It had been years since I had even been inside of a temple. And this time, I didn't have a friendly guide.
I was early, five minutes or so, and I wasn't sure I was in the right place. The parking lot was empty. I had talked to the Rabbi and his secretary a couple of times during the prior week to ensure that it was okay for me to come. "Yes, yes..." I heard several times. and Christina added, "dress modestly". No problem, I still have culottes from high school. Which means, I know a thing or two about "dressing modestly".
My sister and I attended Christian school off and on as kids. We mostly went to Baptist Churches and Anabaptist schools, and there is a definite culture there. I am grateful for the religious learning, and in the case of Northside, challenging academics. I am also glad that I was able to go to Asbury, opposed to BJU. My lifelong passion for religion and faith and study came together when I went to Asbury. I think it is something defining in me, and allows me to have a greater appreciation for those whose faith practices are different from my own.
As I am listening to the nearly three hour service, mostly in Hebrew, I keep thinking about the religious, language and social traditions that Jewish culture has. Some of which appear to be changing - women in prayer shawls... And, I found myself considering what brought me here to temple on an early Saturday morning - school.
I love to learn and it has occasionally caused issues for myself and others, but I was lucky to have mom and dad who let me read, learn and ask questions. And, although I know that mom struggles with my decision to pursue counseling, she has never denied or stopped me or my siblings from learning.
Which leads me to my title. In my current "schooling", I have a wonderful professor from Lima, Peru. She REGULARLY talks about how ethnic families are different than "mainstream" families. The first time I heard her say it, it slapped me in the face. Basically because she verbalized easily what I have always had a hard time verbalizing to friends on the outside of the picture. I have often expressed it by equating my life to the Big, Fat Greek Wedding..... only Irish.
So, maybe I am not co-dependent, just ethnic? Nice! So, how exactly do I overcome that?
I am aware that there are different cultural rules. I am also aware of the fact that most people I know are quick to express that my family is too into each others business. We make decisions in a group. And, I know this sounds weird, but it is HARD to do anything without their support or blessing. Even things that may be better for me in the long run. It's hard to feel caught in the middle at times.
And, I struggle with the fact that we were raised to make the connection between reliability and trustworthiness. If someone asks for help or support, you need to give it to them. Especially if they are family. And if you follow the Golden Rule, you sort of anticipate receiving the same when you need help or "support". And, when it doesn't happen... it's hard to not doubt myself and the others involved.
As I sat there yesterday, watching the families worship together, I wondered if it is easier for to play by the community rules for socializing, marriage and education, than to buck the system.
For much of my life, I have tried to buck the system. And, now... I am not sure if I belong anywhere. But, if Virgina can have a room of her own... Maybe so can I.
Just an observation that life can be more difficult than it looks like on the surface. I suppose we are all under some sort of pressure.
